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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A great loss may come together with a great happiness


Subhanallah ..Lama sungguh tak menaip entri baru :') Im back ! Im not sure Ive been neglecting this blog for how many months but during that period of time , I had experienced so many things .. Sometimes, I gained something and sometimes I lost . The great loss in my life is when Allah took away my beloved mother. Everything happened too fast that I wished for a time machine so that i can turn back time and living that life again , when my late mother is still alive .

Arwah is a good mother, very loveable that i felt like dying when I first knew her death . On that 'day' , I knew that something unpleasant would happen. My heart beat was not at its normal rate,beating so fast that I was short in breath . She called me that morning and told me that she was on her way to nearest medical centre for her health check up and a regular answer came out from my mouth 'Oh okay ma' . I was so busy at that time,and was running out of time for my last revision before sitting for final examination 

Later in the afternoon, I called her . 10 missed calls and I still got no answers ..only Allah knows how worried I was at that time . I continued to call her for many times but she didnt seem to pick up any of my calls. I tried to calm myself and whispered to my mind that nothing bad would happen . 'Mama might just fall asleep and later she will call you back' and with that i headed to toilet . I cried in the toilet in the midst of taking my bath because that's so not my mom ! Right after finished taking my bath , I rushed to my room and called Abah . Abah was still at his school at that time and he went back home upon hearing what I said to him about Mama .  30 mins later I called abah again and how happy I was at that time to hear mom's voice . But I wasnt able to have a long talk with her on the phone . Not even 2 mins and she hang up . I cried again . This is what she told me when I asked her why she didnt pick up my calls 'Mama letih adik,ok lah mama letih sangat2 ni tak larat nak cakap' . I cried that evening and I kept that as a secret from my friends . 

7.30 pm . I called my mom again . And as expected, no answers . Right after i called her , I received a phone call from abang . He told me that Mama was in comma and lost her consciousness. I was shocked . Why ? What exactly has happened ? I cried and negative thoughts racing through my mind . I tried to ignore all those thoughts and continued to perform solat hajat , praying to Allah that my mom will gain consciousness . I think I had lost my mind that night when I prayed to Allah to give back my mom  if He already took her away . Astaghfirullahal'azim .. I cried in my sujud . I cried very hard that night that I almost lost my voice . That night was my busiest night ever, my phone was never silent from phone calls from Abah and Abang . And when I asked them about mama's condition , i would get the same answer 'Mama,tak sedar lagi ' and only Allah can tell how the answer hurts me . Right after performing solat hajat for X times, I went to get my Quran and recite Yasin for several times until i got a phone call from Abah. I knew that something was not right when He told me to get a flight ticket for me to go back home that night ! I cried ! I begged Abah and asked him to tell me the truth but he didnt seem to blurt any single word that related to 'death' . And I was ultimate sad when I could not find any ticket flight as all of em have been sold out . I cried again ! Then abah told me to calm down as he already had another plan which was plan B; So that night I experienced a very long travel accompanied by sorrow and sadness. I couldn not sleep that night . Abang was right beside me,holding my hands tightly . 

7.00 am the next day .I reached at my home. So many people that I could not trace where my father was at that time when he was already in front of me. I cried ! Abah hugged me and he brought me to see my mom . Allahu . I burst into tears . My heart was torn into pieces. I went to sit next beside her covered body . At that time, I just realized that my mom was no longer alive . She has been taken away by Allah . In tears, I reached for Yasin .....

Since that moment,Allah has made me to become a better human being that I think I would never be one . He might take away someone who means a lot to me , but He gives me something that I never imagined to have . Dear mama, I may no longer be able to see you in this world , to touch you , to hug you and to kiss you but the happiest moment in my life is when you appeared in my dream,smiling to me . That's more than enough. Allah SWT wanna tell me that you are doing well 'there' In Sha Allah :')

Your Daughter

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